Billy: I need to find myself
“She has no fault. I’m not a perfect guy. I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done some things in my life that I regretted. And she supported it. She understood. She was there. But I tend to go home by myself.”
With these words, spoken in an exclusive interview on Sunday, July 28 in “The Buzz,” Billy Crawford revealed the reason why he and girlfriend of almost five years Nikki Gil had to part ways.
“It’s so simple to go around with friends and to enjoy and forget about the problems, nakalimutan ko ako eh. I’m the one who’s completely lost and I’m searching. I asked her this, ‘Give me the chance to find myself.’ It’s very difficult.”
His voice breaking and tears falling, Billy added that he no longer wanted to continue the relationship because he wanted to protect Nikki.
‘I love her’
“I love her and I still do. I don’t want to continue to hurt her because I became distant. And I don’t want to continue to hurt her because if I continued with this relationship, in the long run, hindi na kami magkakatugma. We don’t see eye to eye on things.”
To host Boy Abunda’s question on whether he fell out of love, Billy replied,“I just fell out of the face of the earth. People see me everyday but they don’t see me when I’m home.”
He revealed that while he always wanted to make everyone around him happy, he forgot about himself and what truly makes him happy.
“I forgot who I am. I don’t know what I’m doing. Because all I know what to do is to work. It’s been almost 26 years I’ve been in this industry. I’ve been everywhere. And this is the first time I ever felt this way.”
Back to the U.S.
Billy is returning to the U.S. on Aug. 3 to do some soul searching with the help of his parents.
“I really need to be with my mom. I have to start from scratch. I have to start from where I came from. I came from my parents. I need to try to find what was making me happy before, who I was.”
Billy shared that he and Nikki fought for their relationship, but he just “wasn’t there.” The breakup, he added, was not due to a third party. The problem, Billy explained, is him.
“I sometimes feel like I’m not good enough. I learned na importante pala na mahanap mo muna ang sarili mo. I think kung maligaya ka, mas madaling magpaligaya ng tao. The later part of our relationship, hindi ko siya napaligaya. Nasaktan ko siya. She’s an amazing person.”
His message to Nikki was short yet meaningful. “I hope you understand.”
'I'm sorry'
Billy also has a message to the people who were saddened by his breakup with Nikki.
“Pasensiya na kayo. Sa lahat din ng sumuporta sa relationship namin ni Nikki, I think I can say, from the both of us, we really thank you, kasi they gave us strength. I'm sorry. It's really pressuring to be honest with you, that you're perceived as one of the most looked up couples in the industry and mahirap.
Tearfully he also pleaded to God to “save him.”
“I feel like the devil is really strong. I feel defeated. All I can ask for is forgiveness.”
A reliable source says Nikki has opted not to respond to the interview anymore.
